One step

at a time. I'll take it second by second, and just try to grow up &grow out of it. I'll never understand how two good people involved in such a genuine good thing could just end up in such a bad path. Such an unhealthy relationship full of complications while things could be so simple. All I needed was to feel important again. But it was my fault too. I didn't give him the time to just miss me. But I tried, I tried to be the girlfriend you deserved. Not good enough, is all I'll ever be to you. 

School, has never been so hectic and disappointing. Every time I think I'm doing so well, a simple letter could take all my hope away. Ceramics is supposed to be fun, at least I thought it was supposed to. Turns out its one of my hardest classes. Or more time consuming. Micro takes up a lot of studying &is filled with tricky questions. HATE ! :[ Child development is just plain ol' boring. Swear all I hear in that class is yaddayaddablahdiblahbloo. :] But of course, the only class I enjoy this quarter is none other than my KICKBOXING class. Today I learned how to UPPERCUT ALL YALL ! ;] hah ! 

GET READY FOR IT ! because ladies &gentlemen, i have a WORK section to post on blogs now. haha. thanks to kimbery siapno dearest friend of mine. :] I work at MagicStudio in the wescoo mall right next to Mrs. Fields. woo ! It's a very chill job that gives me plenty of time to do hw and study. 

As much as I want to take and post pictures, my camera isn't in my possession. :[ So long baby, I don't know when I'm ever going to see you again. 

To sum it all up:

Hello, I miss you quite terribly. 

Giant heart made of candles. A scavenger hunt leading to love. Slowdancing to one of the bst songs ever made. What i would give, just to have one of those nights back. A night where I truly felt like I was loved & happy. I miss that. Nothing but history is all it is. 

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edit. 11:11pm.

the whole day has been such a drag. slowly i wait for the day to go by just to say i got through another day. planned on going out today to get my mind off of you, but it just didn't work out. i stayed home. i stayed home and did a lot of thinking. thinking about you. opened up those shoeboxes i haven't touched in a while. looked at our collage frames. read every single letter, stared at every single drawing, looked through every single picture of us i could find. it's pathetic in some ways, but it helps me in some ways. i remember, as every anniversary went by, or any other day actually, every time we'd write each other letters, we'd basically list all of our inside jokes. we stopped because it grew to a list too long to write out. and one letter you said "i'd list all of our inside jokes but i'm pretty sure you're tired of re-reading them again". honestly, i wouldn't mind re-reading them a million times over and over right now. we were happy. a REAL happy. i could go home from school, take a nap, and look forward to you calling me and waking me up. i could go to practice and look forward to calling you afterwards to fill each other in. we made each other laugh so much, whether it was by being a queenB to you or your unbelievably charming sarcasm. what happened? why did we have to grow out of it. why did we have to ruin something to precious ? i miss it. i say it over and over, but it's true. i miss it. i miss all of it. sure, MAYBE it IS the way the beginning of relationships are and its natural for it to go downhill from there. but when were we ever typical. we're weird people. that's what we loved about each other. is that we were weird. that was our essence. is that we were able to act like ourselves. not caring about what other people thought. we acted "cute" and didn't care about what our friends thought. you swept me off my feet and made me believe that these things don't only happen in movies. it's a possible reality. and you helped make a girl's wildest dreams come true. i know there's no turning back to the past. it's just sad, letting a good thing go. i don't know how to find the strength in me to say goodbye. i don't know how to find the courage to let go. i don't know how to just leave everything behind and just grow up and move on. it's hard. i know i have to.. but, you're my partner in crime. the clyde for this bonnie. the other whole that makes me twice the person i am alone. you taught me so much. &one thing you've taught me since the beginning.. is that some things are just worth fighting for. no matter how long or how hard it is. i believe in us. always will. i love you is probably the only thing that still makes sense.